It’s been a little challenging for us when our 3-year yaya/helper left for good.  Since it’s a hard to look for a good helper these days and since Gab is a little older now, we decided that it’s just going to be the three of us at home. My husband and I need to fix our schedule at home, to attend events and on doing trainings for runs. Most of the time I’m the one who gives up training as I need to be home to do the chores and attend to our toddler doing his worksheets and other homeschooling activities. Both of our parents are in Bacolod so we do not really have someone to baby sit Gab when we are out together. And I personally do not want to leave him in a daycare/ drop-off center.

So here’s one of our conversations, when I was all dressed up and ready to go for a run. Gab is staying with daddy at home and he keeps on telling me not to go out for a run. This is the 15-second video but we have a longer one with our conversations just going around in circles and just telling me not run and stay at home because he needs me.

The ending, I still left the house – with a heartache. This reminded of the same feelings when I was still in a corporate job and have to leave him everyday. Talk about separation anxiety for both mom and baby!

At 3, he still cries, but then again, he needs to lean that mommy needs to do something or go somewhere that he is not allowed to come. Most of the time, I prep him the day before that mommy will have a meeting and that he will stay and play with daddy while I’m away. While it works most of the time, there are moments when they just want to cry their heart out for you not to leave.

Here are some helpful tips on how to manage toddler separation anxiety:

Develop a Goodbye Ritual

Toddlers like rituals as prepare the child on what will happen next and makes them feel secure. When you have to leave, give a kiss, a tight embrace or a high five.

Back when I was still working, we noticed that it’s easier if Gab who does the exiting and saying goodbye to me. Usually daddy or yaya will take him for a quick walk around the neighborhood. And to avoid him getting upset when he returns and finds me not there, we also make him understand that I’m going out as well.

Another trick that can be part of the ritual is giving them something to do when mommy or daddy leaves.  We let Gab close or lock the door for us. Of, course that would need help of another adult, just to make sure he closes the door safely without the danger of a hand or finger injury.

Provide an ETA

This works well now that Gab knows how to tell and read time. When I have to go for a long meeting, I will tell him I’ll be home by 5pm and make sure I do return as promised. On my home, I will send a message that hubby will make him read so that he knows I’m on my way home.

For younger children, they may not understand the concept of time and you can say, “I’ll be back after snack time” or “I’ll be back before bath time”.

Involve the Child in an activity

Provide an activity or toy, or with songs, games, or anything else that’s fun for your toddler and caregiver to get engrossed in before leaving. When it’s time to leave, give a quick kiss good-bye and leave at once.

Based on experience,  they may still cry but the activity can serve as a distraction soon after the departure.

Let Child learn to cope

This is hard for any parent as we do not want to see our child crying or unhappy. This makes my heart broken all the time!

But as child experts say learning how to cope is an important developmental task they need. Coping with separation is one of the many stresses the child will have to learn to manage in life. They need to learn that there are times that they are going to be unhappy and we, parents should not give in to their demands. It is alright okay to let them cry a bit as long as they are safe. And of course, as always, we should re-assure that’s everything’s okay and mommy or daddy will be back.

Try also not to mention about mommy or daddy, when one is away but whenever a child ask, provide a simple an straight forward answer: “Mommy is going to be home as soon as she finish her meeting. Let’s read some books!”

There’s really no perfect way to making goodbyes easier as toddler moods are unpredictable. So, we have to practice and check what will work. We just have to remember to be calm, consistent and consistent.

Do you have other tips that worked?